Christmas Special #1 : Reindeer's sucking at the power teat

Hey you, Rednosed-shithead. Why don't you make yourself useful and join the circus, ya clown?
- Dasher talking to Rudolph (before Santa let him guide the sleigh)


What you doin' this weekend, buddy? Me and the guys are headin' down to Greenland, dude. Keen?
- Dasher talking to Rudolph (after Santa let him guide the sleigh)

Call me names no more, bitches. I own you.

Christmas time is approaching...

and it's time to get in that ol' Christmas spirit blog-wise. So today, I'm going to take an in-depth look at the cruel, sadistic and often politically incorrect world of the Christmas reindeer.

Once an outcast, Rudolph went from nobody to the leader of the pack in an instant. After doing a bit of research, it's really hard to believe that no one has really covered this story.

As we all know, all the reindeers used to "call him names" (ie. Pinocchio, rednosed-shithead). But why? Because he was a little different? Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say "Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?". Needless to say, Rudolph accepted the offer, but wouldn't it be fair to say that he was used? The only reason that Santa wanted him to guide the sleigh, is because the fat bastard (put me on the naughty list, I don't care) couldn't see through the fog.

Then, similar to mainstream Hollywood, Rudolph became the toast of the town, a celebrity. Everyone wanted to be his new best friend, simply because the man in the big red suit let him be his #1. These reindeers were phonies; fakes; douche-bags. Being unaccepted by his peers for such a long time though, Rudolph lapped up all the attention. He took on-board having a song written about him, his own Christmas show, even (in more recent times) his own video game. 

Guess not even Christmas is completely pure..

Sadface. :(